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The Top 10 of BDSM

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

BDSM is a lifestyle chosen by those who wish to push the boundaries and experience play, pain and sex to its extreme.

However BDSM is very misunderstood and often abused by amateurs particularly in some parts of our community.

BDSM is not about abuse or about violence. It is not about taking away someone’s rights or forcing them to do what you want. And it is definitely not about rape or power over others.

BDSM should only and always be about erotic pleasure, positive and fulfilling experiences, adventure, excitement and complete and total consent.

Anyone participating in something other than what I’ve just described knows nothing about the true essence of a BDSM lifestyle.

As I only have limited space I can’t begin to discuss this highly complex and intense subject at great length. But what I can offer is ten top suggestions for those who wish to explore more.

1 Look and learn before you try, and ask questions without fear.
2 Always ensure that you understand and have consented to anything you do.
3 Seek out a play partner based on their experience and knowledge. Don’t just pick any old Ms Whoever because she’s waving a crop around talking it up.
4 Ensure your prospective player gained experience through training in a dungeon or similar, and NOT acquired by surfing the internet or buying the right clothes.
5 Start slowly, trying things out a bit at a time.
6 Use a safety word to stop the play if need be.
7 Ensure you are not playing with someone who drinks or uses drugs. This way no-one gets hurt and you know they’re serious.
8 Don’t be scared to say “no, thank you”
9 If possible, ask a friend to be a safety person and be there with you.
10 Debrief afterwards with someone you trust.

Anyone can hold a play party or dress up like a leather top but very few really know what they’re doing.

So ask around, do your homework and attend one of the women’s workshops mentioned below, which will give you a chance to explore if BDSM is really for you.

BDSM workshops

“Alternative erotic play … what’s it all about” run by SWAT at Maroochydore on May 3. Phone Ricki on 0408 843 221 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

BDSM workshop run by ACON and Red Shoe Productions at Lismore on May 24.

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written by Ms Sonya , 28 May, 2008

Poor Ricci has only been in the scene for maybe a year; I think it is inappropriate and unfair on her that you seem to be promoting her as some sort of authority in the scene. She is a lovely woman, I know.

I feel those lovely, young women who go under the banner of the Buttons, Jas and Em, should be promoted as I have found them to have wonderful values and ethics when it comes to the BDSM scene.

I was horrified when these young women's event was canceled on the 4th of May - the way and reason. There is a lot of anger in the general BDSM community because of this, both gay and straight. As everyone who knows this wonderful young couple knows, they have a fantastic, respectful,fun, kinky side, but in all other aspects of their lives they are straight as, which is why I have so much time for them.

It is beyond belief that some women think that this kind of behaviour is an acceptable way to get their own way. SHAME SHAME SHAME to those responsible for this type of behaviour - I thought it died in the 70/80s.

Just for the record, I am the 45 year old (if you were wondering why I limp, I've had a stroke) who dropped the fliers into Scarlet the Saturday night before that weekend. Myself and many of the women who were going to attend that event between us have centuries of experience, and I've got to admit I'm always learning and expanding my style.

There are those, of course, who we chose not to support, because you are right in saying that there are many who dress the dress and talk the talk, but don't uphold the ethics. There are many ways and paths to gain experience and learn within the BDSM scene and I have generally found those that run others down are not the ones you should look to for guidance in this area.

Just thought you should be looking at promoting the wonderful talent in your own back yard; eg The Buttons.

Regards, Ms Sonya

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