BDSM is a lifestyle chosen by those who wish to push the boundaries and experience play, pain and sex to its extreme.

However BDSM is very misunderstood and often abused by amateurs particularly in some parts of our community.

BDSM is not about abuse or about violence. It is not about taking away someone’s rights or forcing them to do what you want. And it is definitely not about rape or power over others.

BDSM should only and always be about erotic pleasure, positive and fulfilling experiences, adventure, excitement and complete and total consent.

Anyone participating in something other than what I’ve just described knows nothing about the true essence of a BDSM lifestyle.

As I only have limited space I can’t begin to discuss this highly complex and intense subject at great length. But what I can offer is ten top suggestions for those who wish to explore more.

1 Look and learn before you try, and ask questions without fear.
2 Always ensure that you understand and have consented to anything you do.
3 Seek out a play partner based on their experience and knowledge. Don’t just pick any old Ms Whoever because she’s waving a crop around talking it up.
4 Ensure your prospective player gained experience through training in a dungeon or similar, and NOT acquired by surfing the internet or buying the right clothes.
5 Start slowly, trying things out a bit at a time.
6 Use a safety word to stop the play if need be.
7 Ensure you are not playing with someone who drinks or uses drugs. This way no-one gets hurt and you know they’re serious.
8 Don’t be scared to say “no, thank you”
9 If possible, ask a friend to be a safety person and be there with you.
10 Debrief afterwards with someone you trust.

Anyone can hold a play party or dress up like a leather top but very few really know what they’re doing.

So ask around, do your homework and attend one of the women’s workshops mentioned below, which will give you a chance to explore if BDSM is really for you.

BDSM workshops

“Alternative erotic play … what’s it all about” run by SWAT at Maroochydore on May 3. Phone Ricki on 0408 843 221 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

BDSM workshop run by ACON and Red Shoe Productions at Lismore on May 24.