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 When Jack came to see us, he was feeling down, had lost his motivation and had little energy. Each year he would come up with New Year’s resolutions and like clockwork he would fail every time. He had a deeply held belief that he could never achieve in life, and felt he was stuck in a rut that really sucked. This is a bit like listening to the same 1992 Kylie song twice a day for seven years without having the ability to turn it off!
There were two main levels we focused on when assisting Jack. The first was to identify and challenge his ‘internal saboteurs’ that kept driving him to give up and not achieve. These are like having bitchy queens living inside your head who criticise everything you do. The second level was to give him the tools he needed to sustain his new goal-oriented life.
Jack was quite shocked to learn that his intellect or rational self was not the one guiding his behaviour in life, it was his belief that he was a failure. Our rational mind is rarely the one driving us. He felt upset when he realised this, but at the same time felt a massive sense of relief. When he was a kid, he was always picked last at sports and didn’t do that well academically. A couple of teachers he looked up to told him he was no good, reinforcing the belief that he was a complete failure. Eventually this belief controlled him so he would sabotage every attempt at being successful.
After working through these issues, we could focus on developing some useful skills to help him overcome his failure patterns. These included working on goal-setting based on passion and working out ways he could move out of his comfort zone. Jack also worked on changing some of his thinking patterns. When he felt like he didn’t want to do the boring and difficult things needed to achieve a goal, he’d normally avoid the task and clock up another failure. Instead, he learned to say to himself things like: “Action precedes motivation!” In other words, the only way we usually get motivated is to actually do something first.
Imagine that you are too tired to go out, but you think to yourself: “I’ll just have a look in The Den to see how many people are there.” And presto! When you get there, the motivation to touch naked flesh suddenly appears. When thinking of the boring stuff they need to do to reach a goal, too many people wait to feel the emotion of excitement and anticipation to sweep them off the couch and into the car and on the way to the gym. This will only happen the first few times; after that, most people really struggle.
Through counselling and coaching, Jack finally broke through the internal saboteurs that had always stopped him from achieving. He regained a sense of confidence and now feels totally in control as he would if he was a leather-clad Daddy Bear standing over a glistening Cub Slave on heat. Most people in the last years of their lives don’t regret the risks they took in life, but regret the things they avoided, or started but didn’t complete.
When you are thinking of what you want to achieve in 2008, take a deep, honest look at yourself while by yourself. Journal your thoughts and feelings and identify what blocks you from getting what you want. Imagine looking back in 15 years time and feeling a deep sense of satisfaction and pride in what you’ve achieved in life.
Paul Martin is a psychologist. For a free report on Seven Steps to Unlock Your Potential visit www.7stepstounlockyourpotential.com or call 1800 420 320.
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