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With Halloween constume parties around the corner, Chris 'Godzilla' Lee ponders his top five hottest Hollywood monsters.
 FIVE
I’ve been called a monster in my time. But it’s not what you think. It’s true, sometimes I’m a fire-breathing reptilian that likes to stomp the town red (when is that next dance party?). But, apparently ‘size matters,’ or so my boyfriend says.
It’s also the Hollywood by-line for the crap 1998 movie of my ‘pet name’ Godzilla (number 5). That’s not to say the big guy himself wasn’t kind of hot. Set against a pumping soundtrack of Sean "Puff Daddy” Combs and Jamiroquai, the radioactive dragon was kind of cool, in a get jiggy with it, kind of way.
He also kicked King Kong’s ass once or twice in some of the originally camp Japanese cult classics. After all Kong, was just a hairy ape -- not that there’s anything wrong with that.
 FOUR
In fact, as a self-confessed Star Wars-ophile, I’ve always had a bit of thing for Chewbacca (4). He’s tall, manly (or wookieely) and knows his way around a cockpit. And there’s something kind of hirsutely bearish about him with a fetishistically worn leather strap (or leash).
But as an eight foot tall monster from the planet Kashyyk, living on the planet Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks, Chewie was more a big teddy than a turn on.
 THREE
If we are talking monster action, I was always a bit partial to WWE wrestling with a powerslam-like pounding by “The Rock” (Dwayne Johnson). So when Dwayne, popped up as The Scorpian King (3) – and his legion of demonic jackal-headed warriors in the The Mummy Returns– this hunky Mummy, could ask who’s your Daddy? any time.
Sadly, despite a whole lot of pre-dynastic pharaoh action in a wet-dream like prequel, there’s no hot Rock to get our, er, rocks off in the latest Mummy movie.
TWO
It was only after googling my Rock and Egyptians, and discovering his strong Polynesian, Samoan background, that I remembered that I was a bit of a Rice queen.
That’s Anne Rice, American author of best-selling novels such as Interview with a Vampire and Queen of the Damned. The latter, exploring Sonoma County based vampires, dating back to the ancients, apparently.
Whilst the critics ‘damned’ the film adaptation (shot in and around Melbourne’s hot clubs, you know) it picked up points for promptly replacing ‘no locked-lips killjoy’ Tom Cruise with a hot Irish Stuart Towsend (2) as a sexed-up, rock-god, vamp Lestat.
That’s Lestat de Lioncourt, with a with fellow hot Swiss of Spanish origin Vincent Perez, as the (thousand-year) older Marius.
But Marius, who possesses many a vampiric gift, including the power of homoerotic suggestion, warns our Stuart that the monsters of the world will not tolerate his flamboyant public profile.
 ONE
So with Halloween fast approaching, and in desperate need of some monster candy, I have to reach further back, to a Frankenstein-inspired, scissors-for-hands, young Johnny Depp.
Edward (1), handy in the garden, and probably at decoupage, may not have ‘cut’ it as a monster, but as a kindred creative and horrifically clumsy kind of misfit, this romantic suburban comedy gave me a new sense of retro goth chic.
I mean, with white face paint, teased-up hair and alfoil fingers how could I not be hot as the next top gay ghoul at the next Halloween-themed dance party?
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Monster love
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