Loads of gay guys have used the internet for dating or hook-ups, but for Mark Bowness it’s his last chance to land a husband before he turns 30 next year.
An avatar of Bowness for Tribewanted.com
The Liverpool, UK-based creative consultant and self-confessed net junkie has launched AfterSomethingMore.com, the vehicle by which he will document dates with dudes worldwide and hopefully find his Mister Byte, er… Right… in time for a civil partnership on June 25, 2009 – his 30th.
On first boot-up, Bowness seems quite a cache, er, catch. He owns his own business, he's a romantic, he's creative, and his ideas have inspired a successful BBC reality TV show called Tribewanted.
Iain Clacher sat down with his lap top to chat with the eligible bachelor over the net.
Mark, when did you first start doing websites and how did it come about?
I have always been interested in the power of the internet, however, my initial involvement in the internet was simply what is now called Web 1.0 – basically, websites that served to reflect online a business or organisation that I was involved with. These websites simply gain a web presence for a company, individual or organisation.
You were involved for a while with Christian websites. What did those sites involve?
I was brought up as a Christian and I studied theology at university. Whilst I was at university I launched a not for profit organisation which was simply all about empowering individuals to reach their full potential. Part of this organisation involved working in Kenya, Africa, with families who live in the slums or children who work on rubbish tips. These websites merely reflected the work that I was doing at the time.
You've said you found it difficult to accept you were gay.
I was brought up as one of six children, four brothers and two sisters. When I was younger the boys were always playing football and riding bikes. I wasn't. If a football came in my direction I would run the other way because I did not know what the hell to do with it! I was interested in drama and acting.
I was brought up in a very 'bloke-ish' environment whereby to comment that someone was 'gay' was something negative and I never wanted to be the person to be that stereotype that they were laughing at. I was also brought up as a Christian and, as far as I was concerned, the Bible states that homosexuality is wrong and therefore I did not want to [dis]honor the God that I believed in.It was tough. I knew that I had these feelings, feelings that the men or boys around me would beat me for, if they knew. At the same time my religion said that it was wrong. I basically believed that who I was was not who I could ever be, for these very reasons.
Are you out to your family, have they accepted your sexuality? It took me 26 years to come to terms with my sexuality. After my seven-year relationship with a girl ended I was left face to face with me. I had to confront my sexuality again and being 'gay' was something that I desperately did not want to be and so the easiest option was to wipe my existence off the face of the planet. It was after my failed attempt at suicide that I suddenly thought, "Hold on! To take my life because of my sexuality is foolish. My family would never want that!"
I remember that the whole coming out process was a huge, scary issue in my head. I remember taking ages to tell my best mate at the time and his response was, 'So what, this is the 21st century!' It was his response that enabled me to start accepting my sexuality and propelled me to tell my family.
How did you come up with the idea for Tribewanted.com?
I was talking to my friends about how they used social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook in order to hook up with members of the opposite sex. I started to think about the fact that there were millions of people hooked up to the internet who had incredible skills and experiences and I began to wonder whether we could bring these people together, online, in order to develop something which had an offline reality to it – an eco island in Fiji. Tribewanted hit the media around the world and became a prime-time, five-part programme on the BBC in the UK.
There was some controversy surrounding you at that time, what happened?
An American journalist started doing some research on me and discovered that the Christian websites I was involved with had stopped and the Christian book that I had published had been pulled. This is because when I was directly asked questions about my sexuality I decided to tell them I was struggling to understand what my sexuality was – nothing more than that. I then explained to the writer of this article that this was the issue and he understood and has now put a comment on his article which states that these anonymous comments had arisen online from people involved in my past who did not agree with my lifestyle.
You’re referring to Christians opposed to your homosexuality?
This is correct. Yes, Christians were opposed to my sexuality.
Some people maintain you're nobody unless you have over 1000 Facebook friends and maintain a number of other social networking sites. How do you feel about these attitudes?
I don’t see the internet like that. I do not believe that it is essential that everyone has an online presence. In fact, in this day and age I think it is important to know who you are and to hold to that. It is easy to set up a profile and convey to the world who you are, in a way that you want them to perceive you to be. In this way you can quite easily lose sense of yourself and who you are. It is important that any individual realises that they are a somebody instead of diluting themselves on the internet and thus, actually becoming a nobody.
What's driving you to be on the internet, if it’s so easy to become a nobody?
I don’t think I am driven to be on the internet. I think I merely see the potential of what could happen if we bring like-minded people together, how it could create a positive role in people's lives. I love learning from people and the internet is a way of learning from those who are far wiser than me. I also have a lot of people come to me for advice and consultation on how to reach their dreams, how to reach their full potential.
What’s your day job? I currently run a TV production company called thenerve.tv. It is the world's first crowd-sourced TV production company. The aim is to work with members of the public in order to turn their ideas into TV shows. I am also involved in consultation work for media students, businesses, etc.
You have built an international media profile using the web. What do you think are the down-sides to living so much of our lives online?
It can be intense. I have websites, Facebook, MSN, Skype, and at every point someone wants to ask a question, talk or update you and it can be pretty much full on. It is also tough that people can put up anonymous comments online and pretty much write anything about you and there are not really any laws. That can be tough. However, there are far more positives, I actually use the internet these days simply to be me. I write honestly about how I feel and what I think, it can be very therapeutic!
How did you decide that an individualised website rather than, say, Gaydar might bring you the love of your life?
I had spent time on website such as Gaydar and, in more cases than not, users of those sites just wanted 'no strings meets'. I did that for a while but realised that I was after something more. I felt restricted, as I could not convey who I was in these profiles.
I think such sites are now very much known for being sites that are all about 'no strings meets' and random sexual encounters, it is flooded with such requests and therefore it is hard to get to know who is genuine and who is not. Also, these sites are full of guys who create a persona in order to get a one night stand, rather than allowing people to get to know who they are. That is what I have found, anyway.
How many enquiries have you received so far? How many dates have you gone on since your site was established?
I’ve received 40 requests for dates so far, I’ve been on two and have three more lined up.
Do any show promise?
It is really interesting, because everyone is so different. At this stage I'm just looking to get to know people. I don’t believe that you can fall for someone in one date; however, there is one particular guy I would like to get to know more on a friendship level.
Who wouldn't you consider dating?
Well, probably, anyone geeky. That sounds really bad, but it is just not my thing. I am thinking ... Star Wars, Star Trek fan, plays some crazy instrument, good at maths... no… I want the wild and adventurous!
You’ve been to Australia. Would you consider dating an Australian man?
I would absolutely love to date an Australian man. In fact, a guy from Sydney recently posted a comment on my site saying that I should go to Sydney.
What did you like and/or dislike about Australian men?
Australian guys really appeal to me. The guys I met were adventurous, they were free spirited and they had a chilled attitude to the world – exactly my kind of guys! What do I dislike about Australian men – they are straight to the point, but in a relationship that is only a good thing. If you were to ask me for a gay Aussie role model: the gay guy who was in Australia's Big Brother, *Mark's eyes glaze over as he looks far, far into the distance, dreaming… crap, the next question!*
How much of your dating history will you be sharing online at ‘AfterSomethingMore’?
I will be sharing the majority of my dating history on this site, as long as those who date me are happy with that. You can date me and not be on the site, that’s fine. But I will tell as much of the story as my dates allow.
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