If you can’t wear nothing on the beach, the humble budgie is the next best thing, writes Barry Lowe.

I blame Ian Thorpe. Those ugly dark grey wetsuits might give swimmers more speed but it’s totally at odds with the ancient Olympic ideal which was to participate naked.

    And if you can’t swim naked then the next best thing is to wear budgie smugglers.

    The iconic Australian swimwear style was, in fact, invented by a Scot, Alexander MacRae, who migrated to Sydney in 1910. But it wasn’t until 1928 that his company developed its athletic design and a Captain Jim Parsonson came up with a slogan, and coincidentally a brand name, with ‘Speed on in your Speedos.”

    But if you think buff and budgie studs were parading Australia’s beaches in 1930s and 1940s in the Speedo style so familiar today, then think again.

    That design began with the introduction of nylon into the company’s designs in 1955 and given an international boost when the new style of swimwear was widely seen at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics.

    Since then, the company boasts that swimmers wearing its togs won seventy per cent of the medals at the Olympics in 1968, 1972, 1976 and 2008.

     The rest, as they say, is a gay boy’s wet dream. Not that budgie smugglers have escaped a backlash. Homophobic Americans seem to find the male brief “gay” but then, is that, perhaps, because they’re a nation of sparrows rather than budgies?

    I’m still in pursuit of a nation of parrots or ostriches!

    And, naturally, not everyone looks good in togs, just as not everyone can look their best in Lycra trackies.

    Budgies seem the natural preserve of the young. It was only recently an older politician was pilloried in the media for daring to wear what was considered ‘age inappropriate’ swimming attire. Hmm, some of those critics should get a gander at the leathery old bodies parading their nuts and bolts behind flimsy fabric on Mediterranean beaches!

    But we’re here to talk about studs in swimwear: be they bears, twinks, athletes or … well, let’s face it, anyone with a dick.

    The design has assumed a fetishistic aura and some people hoard Speedos to sniff, spooge in, or even wear as intended to display their aviary credentials.

    There’s even one reported budgie lover in Brisbane who maintains he has the world’s largest collection of used swimwear which he um … rescues from clotheslines and change sheds as well as sex partners. But we won’t go there – yet.

    Hell, some guys, such as lifesavers, even wear them as string up their butt crack to massage their asshole.

    There’s a website devoted to aficionados of the fabric, WhiteSpeedos: ‘A place for guys who love speedos to share pics and stories of their fun times in speedos.’

    Yes, the term ‘Speedo’ is so widespread it has become generic much to the delight as well as the chagrin of the now English-owned company. The site includes pics of cute boys in their budgies, stories about cute boys in their budgies, and talk about fashion, swimwear porn, and best beaches, etc.

    The appeal is universal because of their association with youth, sun, sand and sexual allure. It’s as close to being naked in public that the law allows.

Barry Lowe

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www.whitespeedos.com/

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