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 Many years ago I had a fuck buddy who was into Satan sex. I would bow down and worship his devil cock, balls and arse; all the while telling him I wanted to be one of Satan’s sluts as he spewed forth ‘vile blasphemies’ against a non-existent God and spat the remnants of Bloody Marys in my face and mouth and over my body. Bloody Marys because blood itself was taboo as a sexual lubricant as well as a fantasy lubricant by this stage. These exciting escapades only came to an end when he went the whole hog and painted his body and cock with a red food dye. He was allergic to it and broke out in blisters. Alas, I never saw him again.
It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had, though it may not sound that way to you readers of more conservative morals – you’ll just have to take my word for it. He also had quite a way with crucifixes that were used in a manner that would upset those of you who thought my Fist of God column was too gross.
But what a pity he isn’t around today – well, around me today at any rate. His predisposition to devilry could have been easily assuaged through the fabulously satanic ‘Demonic Leather: Gear from Hell’ website. They sell leather devil masks, leather chaps, harnesses and armour, all in a lovely shade of Hades red. My former fuck buddy would have looked the real thing in any of those outfits.
 More problematic is the ‘Devil Dawg Hood’, particularly the red one. I would have to be incredibly turned on to find it the least bit erotic. I suppose it would depend on the satanic master who was wearing it but I suspect my response would be to giggle uncontrollably. No disrespect meant to one of Satan’s minions.
Missing from all this is a tail and boots in the shape of cloven hoofs. I suspect that if a designer turned his mind to it he could come up with a workable, and probably highly profitable, model.
What does take my fancy and get the juices flowing are the horns. There are nine latex horns from the ‘Sammael’ (the Jewish Angel of Death) to the ‘Mephistopheles’ to the ‘Lucifer’. They come in tan, gold, black, red and bone. They can be colour customised on request. There’s also ‘Luke Sawed Off Horns’, which look like nothing so much as a round chocolate brownie and ‘Fallen Angel’ horns ranging from US$51 to US$180 a pair. If that’s too rich for the credit card, take a look at the lower priced but sexually alluring resin horns – it helps that the guy modelling them is hot! hot! hot! They range in price from US$20-US$25 and a horn adhesive kit will set you back around US$15. My personal fantasy favourites are the ‘Satyr’ and ‘Wicked' horns.
As one website puts it: “Satanism is pro-homosexuality because Satanism is out and out pro-sexuality of any (consenting) kind.” And haven’t you, at some time in your life while watching an awards show where a recipient rabbits on about thanking God for his/her talent and their win, prayed hard that just once someone would get up on stage and thank Satan?
www.triplesixcomics.com
[Anyone who wants to try out their horns on a willing supplicant or anyone who is just a horny little devil should contact me at
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Bona fide sexual Satanists should also drop me a line.]
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